The birthday.

November 30th has always meant a lot to me. This year I have looked forward to it because it's my birthday (which I apparently can't stop talking about like I'm a small child), marking the end of 30 Days of Ash because I'm now 30 years old on the 30th, and it's also my deadline. It's been a good year and a great month (largely due to my thoughtful and cool sister who came up with some amazingly amazing gifts, the rest of my amazing family, my friends, a trip to H&M, some birthday donuts from Lehi Bakery, and—let's be honest—my parents, as the reason I have a birthday at all) and the many thousands of words that I dredged up from the deep recesses of my brain to finish this book.

So yes, in a word, the book is done.*

*Meaning, not done. 

I'll explain. The rough draft is done: there is an excellent beginning, a hefty middle, somewhat of an end, and nearly 50,000 words, but it's still going to take some revising and fleshing out before I'm happy with the first draft. There are some holes and I know it, so I need to go back and fill them in.

And, by the way, I really hate knowing that it's not as good as I'd like it to be. Thinking about that reminds me of this quote from Ira Glass:

"Nobody tells this to people who are beginners. I wish someone had told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it's just not that good. It's trying to be good, it has potential, but it's not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn't have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know that it's normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you finish one piece. It's only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I've ever met. It's gonna take a while. It's normal to take a while. You've just gotta fight your way through."

So there's your inspirational/demoralizing quote for the day. (It's good that it fits both moods.) But truly, I'm happy with the progress I've made. I'm glad that I can say that I [essentially] wrote a book by the time I was 30, which was my ultimate goal. (I don't care if it's a loose interpretation.) So I will keep working, once the birthday celebrations quiet down, and for those of you lucky enough to read the darn thing, I will alert you when I'm good and ready. Merry birthday to you.

Let the countdown begin.

Happy November. This month is going to be a big one. I'm scared and excited all at once, which is resulting in my going from rapid clapping and squealing from happiness right into the fetal position and back again, figuratively, several times a day. (It's pretty exhausting.)

Anyway, besides all the normal life stuff going on, here's what else is on the docket:

1. My book deadline. [squeals of excitement] I gave myself seven months to write this book, as a present to myself for my birthday, and here we are, folks. I only have one month left. (!!!) I began pretty ignorantly and I've come a long way, for sure, but now that I know what I know, I know I have so much work left to do. I'm excited but a little scared as to how it's all going to happen. But it's also totally awesome that November just so happens to be National Novel Writing Month. Super cool coincidence, right? It's cool even though I'm not, like those folks, going to write a novel in a month. But I am going to finish one!

2. So yeah. My self-imposed book deadline is my birthday. My 30th birthday. Which is huge. And not only that, I turn 30 on the 30th, which means it's my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY. [rapid squeals] So exciting. My amazing sister sent me a huge box of presents so that I have one to open every day this month, an event she named 30 Days of Ash.

What a sight. Isn't it amazing? I've let out several squeals just thinking about it. And Anna's twice as bad. I've had to pry her fingers away from the pretty packages (days 4 and 17, for instance) more than once.

Anyway, there's a lot going on. So many presents to open, so many thousands of words to write, so many parties to plan. I'm swamped, but in the best kind of way.

In the immortal words from "Major Tom": "4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. Earth below us, drifting falling . . ." (What?)

Let the countdown begin!